"THE TIME KOBRETTI KRIED"
FIVE TRUTHS
Friends,
As many of you know, the defining moment of Cobretti's life was, of course, the feeding of the magic nuts to "Myau" the mystical cat in SEGA's 1988 classic RPG, Phantasy Star and the ensuing "cry". Over the years, there have been many lies spread concerning this great video gaming accomplishment, most of which have caused international sensations. Here, for the record, are five categorical truths about that fateful summer evening. Everything else you hear concerning this incident is a despicable lie spread by Basa and his minions. Death to the minions, death to the mystical cat Myau, death to Basa.
This is a story about the time The Cobra cried after reaching a video gaming milestone in the summer of 1991.
Truth 1. Total time to complete Phantasy Star was 18-20 months. A mysterious stranger hand delivered the game to The Cobra's lair sometime in the evening of December 24th, 1988. The game was completed sometime between June and August 1990. The now infamous dungeon maze took approximately six of those months to complete.
Truth 2. The bulk of the game was completed on a colour television. It was only after Cobretti's caretakers became concerned with an unhealthy amount of play that the television was taken away. It was then that The Cobra devised a mechanism to connect his SEGA Master System (SMS) to a 20 year old 5.5" B&W TV salvaged from a neighbour's garage. After dismantiling the set and hard wiring the SMS directly to the picture tube, Cobretti was able to secretly play the game in bed, his masters blissfully unaware of the transgression. The maze was completed on this television set. The SMS was later reconnected to a colour screen in order to enjoy the full body sensation transpired in the truths below.
Truth 3. The cat (left) and magic nuts were acquired after about 1 month of play, meaning that young Cobretti carried them around for over 17 months before either proved any use. There was no way at this point of knowing that Myau had the power to sprout wings, let alone have the ability to "flap them proudly".
Truth 4. The maze was completed on a summer night sometime after 3:00am. This is known because a break was taken to watch "Love Connection" at approximately 12:00am. It it assumed that at least two hours elapsed from when Chuck Wollery said his final "Two and Two" to the completion the final stages of the maze.
Truth 5. Tears were shed, but not at the completion of the maze. Many false rumors have claimed that Marion began crying when he completed the maze. This is a falsehood, and may Basa's ancestors be punished. In truth, Marion was able to keep his composure through completion of the maze. What caused the young reptile to "krak", was recognition that this was THE moment to feed Myau the magic nuts. No longer would Cobretti ponder their mysteries. No longer would Myau be a liability. Life finally had a meaning, and for a few short moments, I was better then Kevin Costner.
Please watch the first half of the below video with reverence. Reports indicate The Cobra began crying at exactly 0:23. Forget about the second half, Cobra dispatched the Gold Dragon with ease and felt nothing.